Live An Extraordinary Life

Posts Tagged ‘confidence

What Photo courtesy of Jano Kray

Do You Feel Powerful or Powerless?

The extent to which we feel either powerful or powerless has a direct correlation with our state of mind. When we don’t feel powerful we are usually reacting rather than responding to life. That causes our state of mind to get confused or agitated which leaves us feeling less in control and not as resilient as we would like.

Sometimes things can get so hectic that we lose track of two very important facts:

1. We alone control our state of mind.

2. When we become the master of our state of mind we have found the secret to finding and keeping our power.

The Triple Crown of Our State Of Mind

There are three components that make up our state of mind:

  1. Emotions: How we feel
  2. Thoughts: What we think
  3. Beliefs: What we believe

Every experience we have is based upon the inter-relationship of these three things. When they are working in harmony, we experience our full personal power. When they are in discord, we feel controlled by something other than ourselves and less powerful.

Reclaiming our power doesn’t have to be a huge deal. It can be as simple as being in a bad mood and wanting to get out of it or feeling frustrated with a spouse and wanting to see him or her from a more positive perspective.  When we can make these types of adjustments in the moment, we have successfully learned to manage our state of mind and are living life on our own terms.

Are You In Control Of Your Life?

How you feel right now will tell you instantly if you are in control of your life. A simple rule of thumb: If you feel good, you’re on track, so keep doing what you’re doing. If you don’t feel good, it is the indication that you are not fully connected to your true self and your full power and that something needs to change.

Where most of us get stuck is when we may recognize that we don’t feel positive but we don’t understand the emotions, thoughts or beliefs that got us there. This makes it impossible to make a productive change.

Here’s What To Do: Understand The Situation From All Three Areas (Emotions, Thoughts and Beliefs)

Let’s say that your colleague received a promotion at work. When you hear the news, you congratulate her and feel genuinely happy for her. A short time later, you find yourself being impatient with people in the office and feeling agitated. You don’t know what has come over you but without question, you are feeling bad emotionally.

Break It Down and Get To The Source of What Is Happening

First, define as clearly as you can the emotions that you are feeling. In this situation perhaps it starts with agitation. You go deeper and discover you are also feeling frustrated, fearful maybe even angry, jealous or betrayed.

Next, examine the thoughts that you have been thinking since you got the news of the promotion. Maybe things like, “I work just as hard as Sally and for what?” or, “I’m never going to be able to afford to send my kids to college if I don’t make more money” or, “That was the perfect job for me and now it’s gone.”

Now, be brutally honest and uncover the beliefs you are holding that are behind your thoughts and ask yourself if they are actually true for you. In this case some beliefs could be:

  • There are a limited number of opportunities.
  • I’m getting older and am going to start being overlooked for promotions.
  • I am always treated unfairly and don’t get what I deserve.

Ask yourself if these beliefs help you feel good or bad.

The Secret: Change The Belief And Your Experience Will Change

We experience a diffusion of our power when our emotions, thoughts and beliefs are out of alignment. If you’ve discovered that your beliefs aren’t working productively for you, start by defining new ones.

If you find yourself having a hard time letting go of outdated beliefs and creating new ones, appeal to your own logic. Ask yourself why you would have a belief that generates negative thoughts and makes you feel less powerful than you could be? Then play with the question, “What belief would lead to positive thoughts and feeling good?”

Here are some examples:

  • “There is an abundance of opportunities that are right for me and that will pay me handsomely.”
  • “If this were meant to be, it would have happened”. 
  • “I have a multitude of talents and strengths that are, and will continue to be, matched perfectly with my career goals.”

And Now For Your Thoughts

Shifting to positive beliefs will lead to a different set of thoughts such as:

  • “Sally’s promotion is great news. I think I’ll meet with my manager to let her know my goals and to get her feedback on what my opportunities are for getting promoted.” 
  • “Sally’s promotion has really helped me get clear  on what I want professionally. I think I’ll talk with the boss to see if  what I’d like to do is possible here in this organization. I hope it is, but, if it isn’t, I’ll begin to plan my next move. This is exciting.”

Powerful Emotions

These thoughts lead to emotions such as:

  • Confidence
  • Enthusiasm
  • Optimism
  • Excitement

These emotions help us think positively and that leads to well-directed, powerful action that helps us achieve our goals.

Our state of mind is where our power is. Continued focus on actively managing it will result in the ability to unleash your extraordinary power to live your extraordinary life.

Sheila Madden is the CEO of Madden Coaching & Consulting where she coaches and consults with leaders of high growth companies, individuals wanting to  Live An Extraordinary Life and new college graduates who are ready to launch their careers with competence, confidence and character.

2012 Copyright Madden Coaching & Consulting. All Rights Reserved.

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